i really wonder whether we end up doing what we're doing because our personality suits it or because our personality changes to suit it. i feel very much like a science student. i'm a sucker for certainty. give me yes and no anyday, just don't toss me any perhaps, maybe, could be, or probably2sidesofthecoin. uncertainty throws me off my feet - which makes me believe (firmly) that i'll never make it as an arts student. and in the pursuit of certainty, i relentlessly search, seek and find to satisfy myself with answers answers and more answers. and if you really needed to know, i use google. now, if only everything was as simple as googling (have you tried clicking on "im feeling lucky" when you google something? it brings you to a random page.) so now that i sit here frustrated without answers to too-many-big-questions, of which some eve verbalised over the phone (hey babe, it was nice to hear your voice again - it's been a long time :)). it's funny how hearing your thoughts can jolt you back to reality. it seems easier to hide and push things aside when they are left unsaid. i want answers to this, this and that but i really know that all the answers i should be getting now are those to my past year exam papers. it really makes me wonder whether i'm just too plain demanding. with people, with situations, with myself, with the world, with God. Pray sincerely, she says. yes, i know, i will - i say. what i probably didn't say was: thank you bun, i needed to hear that. after all, God is what my title says. as much as i wish i knew, and as much as i wish i could know - it is so much easier sometimes to just let go and let God. and because of a certain hope and assurance in even the unknown - my soul finds rest.