the idea that i'll be enrolled under the department of medicine next yr disturbs me. rumours tell me they are extremely stingy with giving out H1s to honours students. i was tempted to jump-ship because there's space in hfi for sofi and i - plus i'll be under the dept of biochemistry instead. so i thought about it, decided that that was going to be the best decision, then prayed about it. yes all in that order - not very wise. because it will be given to you if you ask, jq msgs me today and told me that he has approached our supervisor with the same question - and our institute has an answer to that question to assure us that it's all going to be alright. i've now swayed again - i really hate myself for this. what is stressing me out even more is that i get a sinking feeling everytime i think about my stupid pharmacology exam which i hope i did not f a i l. i'm getting more and more paranoid with the passing of each day and i know i should just stop obsessing because all i'll manage to do is go crazy. forgive me, i think it's the whole it's-the-last-sem-so-just-let-me-get-through-it-dammit thingamajig going on. i hate it when things dont go as planned - which is probably just as well because i think i really need to learn how to let go and trust completely in God. how would i know that my grand plan is really that grand anyway? ooo, i'm beginning to hate myself even more now. i really don't know whats wrong with me. just shut up, su, and p.u.s.h.