because everyone seems to be leaving - ok so maybe not everyone. but those i hang out with are all leaving, so that's everyone to me. 2's going by the end of the yr, another probably by the end of summer or sem 1 '06 and then another still unsure whether she needs to return to help with the family business. my mum is telling everyone at home (again everyone ain't many. but we only have 4 in the family. so.) that she's worried i'm going to be so lonely here. i never thought about it. but now that i actually got down to thinking about it....i think im getting worried too. leaving seems difficult. but then i've learnt that staying isn't much better either. i never considered "making new friends" as someone suggested today. (and i don't think i'm very good at that anyway.) then i realised why i never considered it - it's as if i'm trying to replace these people who are going. and it just doesn't work that wat! it's not possible. because they are irreplaceable. i remember a conversation i had back in trinity with someone. we firmly agreed that friends are family here. i still stick by it. who else can we turn to anyway? so now that everyone's leaving, it's as if they are taking a part of me to different corners of the world. i've known some of these people ever since the day i stepped on australian soil....some in those turmoil first year days and have gotten closelikesisters to these girls. we've been through our ups and downs and trust me there were the downs that people probably do not know about and have not seen but i'm so proud to be able to say that our relationships have grown to where it is now - enough to look back and laugh at those horrible childish days. i wish i was more emotionally detached...i've tried my best to convince myself that i'm strong enough for whatcomesmyway (i do that all the time. it has almost become a habit) and sometimes it fails me...so i've tried my best to hide in my little world of delusion (and continue believing that everything's all nice and dandy) but it somehow comes back to hit me hard on the head. somehow, sometime - s-m-a-c-k. first evee, now everyone else. this is not going to be easy. then again, no one said it was going to be easy...but surely there must have been some kind of disclaimer? hmm, what am i going to do. p/s: forgive me for i am incoherent.