because i'm on holiday and hence feel less tired because i like to play because i'd rather choose play than sleep anytime because i'm just so damn stupid that's why i've gotten only an hour of sleep a night the past 3 days with intermittent shut-eye in the car. and because i'm so stoned from adrenaline overdrive and rehearsed composure, i continue to lead myself down a self-destructive path. i'm such a drama queen. if only i'm that way with the real stuff, then i wouldn't be so damn abnormal. just chill. sit up straight. cross your legs. maintain an icy cold expression. only scream inside. who does it this way nowadays?