Pensive currently: tumtum still feeling extremely grumpy. :( pimple sitting on nose (ala rhino horn) still menacing. skin still dull. hair still out of place. in summary, macroscopic features of *su still looking bad. it's one of those rare moments that i have absolutely nothing to do. ok i have tons to do...but considering i've decided to stop studying for the day....i have nothing to do. one of those rare moments when i get the combination of being the last in the house to sleep...(well, in this case, there is only one other person around. who err, had some help in sleeping early to set the body clock right for her paper. but yea. sometimes there are more...depending on which part of the world i'm in), having no one else online to talk to, no newly-updated blogs to read, of having even the latest news on theage.com.au growing cold because you've read the headlines a few times since the morning. and at times like these, i find myself refusing sleep (ok because i'm refusing sleep, i shall not complain about eyebags). i know i should be in bed since i've decided to leave the books. my dad used to tell me very often "either study...or go and rest. don't waste time lah". one of the wisest advices i've gotten (dad's always right...right?)....wise enough for me to actually repeat it to some people lurking around this house. but of course, we never practise what we preach. well, not always at least. then i wonder why is it so difficult! i've heard it so often: eat slower, take your time in the shower, why you walk so fast? and then i think but why cannot! without realising that all these just makes so much sense. eat slower or you'll choke. take your time in the shower and enjoy the warmth of the water against your skin. walk slowly and take in the beauty of creation. we tend to forget that people who care for you don't tell you things just because. you know these people don't mean any harm. they only want the best for you. and i know that there's someone out there...who's telling me to slow down, take my time, stop taking things into your own hands...wait. wait and just wait. its as clear as writing this on a bright yellow post-it: Dear *su, don't you know... I don't do things according to your pocket-pc calender? Love, God if you thought i was going to go oooo ok, then. you were wrong. i'm still going to say BUT SO DIFFICULT! at times like these...i feel so small. so insignificant. so ...weak. because i can't even do something as simple as that and then all i can do is holdfast to the fact that...He said: my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. on an unrelated note, what a pretty quote... Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. -Mark Twain