Pang of Guilt argh i ought to be asleep now but i dont think i can get to sleep without getting this off my chest first. just thought of how we used to say "if i were someone else, i wouldnt want to be hated by me". and laughed about how "we were all so going to hell...". pretty much spent most of my shaping years in an obnoxious (thats the word my sis would have used) kind of environment. where independent and fiercely strong-willed young ladies focused all their energy on winning, yet most of them probably missed out on life's most impt things. not that im trying to portray a bad image of that certain institution that im very proud to be part of, mind you (if i had the choice of growing up again, i wouldnt have taken a different path. because it was in this same institution that i learnt so many precious things and made so many close friends). but as i grew older and hopefully nicer, i hate myself for all that i've done when i was younger and probably stupider. desperate. but where do i begin? that girl we used to laugh at in school? as much as i want to believe i'm no longer that nasty little girl i once was and that im a totally changed person, something tells me that part of it has been etched deep inside of me. and serious soul searching will probably detect that little timebomb stuck somewhere near the gut, waiting to explode and cause hurt to people within a mile-radius of me. maybe i should just hide away in a little corner of my room, and come into less contact with any thing/one that may be vulnerable to evil-su. but then, i rather not, cause that will take away all joy in living. so i apologize now and ask for forgiveness, because i make mistakes. (and with much faith i say this): with God, this timebomb of mine will eventually stop ticking and prove sedate. (not too wise, but i'll ask anyway): "so will u still be my friend?" i know i shldnt blog hop too much but i couldnt help reading it. maybe im just being oversensitive, but then again maybe that blog entry was about me (or ppl like me for that matter). i wouldnt know. after all i dont really know you. though you have a point, so do i: 'i didn't mean it, i probably just didnt see you.'