hmm alot of things goin thru my mind now i really dunnoe where to start..... had ltc today and the whole discussion was about passion and things that buildup or kill your passion. and what the pastor said about doing too many things (even if it's all God related) could kill your passion............. realised that ive been buzzing around endlessly lately.... my schedule's packed.. my week starting from this mon is gonna be like this... mon korean class...tues/wed work/dna/driving....thurs full day... fri ocf....sat ltc...sun church...and then the week starts again...i know ive been given a choice to do whatever im doin. i could chooose not to take korean lessons...or choose not to work...not to go to ltc...u get the drift. but all these are my heart's desires and i know that if not now. then when? ive been doing things and meeting up with ppl and it occurred to me today that i have not set aside enough time for myself to just... be still . im alone at home right now and it feels good. cuz for once im not surrounded by ppl...im not doin anything. im not out somewhere. but i cannot fathom this feeling inside me...stephanie was sharing today during cell discussion that sometimes u just feel so down and so disappointed/disillusioned by things u cannot even put a finger on. and that makes things worse cuz u wanna get out of it but u're just stuck. i envy how some households (like soonwei's and eve's) can feel so much like a home... everyone hanging out in the living room...lights all on....there's music from the radio/tv playing in the background.... homecooked dinner ready at 6pm everyday... everyone sits down together to eat.... i think im in a situation where i kinda feel like im obliged to do stuff that im not too sure whether im passionate about. it has grown to become a habit. to try to please everyone. to try to pretend that whatever im doin is something i enjoy so that i wont impose my moody remnants of the week on others. i dont like killjoys so i know i shldnt be one and spoil everything for everyone...and it has become tiring....n unmotivating. i couldnt even answer lou when she asked me what my passion was. what? i really cant tell. but i guess at the end of the day i just gotta make the best out of whatever situation im in cuz i noe God must have placed me in this position for a reason. for what reason. i dont know yet. but im sure it's for the better.... at least i have God's favour... im sorry my thoughts are all over the place. but thats exactly how it is now in my head. hehe. confused? its alright. me too